Humour

I do believe that this is the kind of thing that could have me say "Lollerderby."

-dx

This is a bit of a long read, but well worth it. This is an actual ad in
New York craigslist captioned:

I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly |
beautiful) girl.

Below the ad is a response from a guy in NYC.

Reply to: pers-439244849@craigslist.org |
Date: 2007-10-03, 4:18PM CDT |
|
|
THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST |
|
What am I doing wrong? |
|
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful |
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. |
I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes |
at |
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind |
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't |
think |
I'm overreaching at all. |
|
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? |
Could |
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around |
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't |
get |
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was |
married |
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty |
as |
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I |
get to her level? |
|
Here are my questions specifically: |
|
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, |
restaurants, gyms |
|
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my |
feelings |
|
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)? |
|
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east |
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have |
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop |
dead |
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story |
there? |
|
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment |
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they |
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out? |
|
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for |
MARRIAGE ONLY |
|
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest |
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front |
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't |
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a |
nice home and hearth. |
|
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial |
interests |
Craig's List PostingID: |
|
|
|
THE ANSWER |
Dear Pers-: |
|
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully |
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. |
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your |
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I |
see it. |
|
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple |
a |
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what |
you |
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I |
bring |
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my |
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely |
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't |
be getting any more beautiful! |
|
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning |
asset . Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation |
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty |
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins |
in |
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! |
|
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a |
buy |
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business |
sense |
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case |
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were |
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's |
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. |
|
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. |
So, |
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful |
" |
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to |
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K |
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout. |
|
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then |
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. |
|
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. |
Classic "pump and dump." |
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of |
lease, let me know. |

____________ |
Rob Campbell |
J.P.Morgan |
Diversified Industrials Investment Banking |
277 Park Avenue , 16/F, New York, NY 10172 |

I am the widower!

-dx

God, I love the Roid.

(10:02:51 AM) Matthew James Schiros: so
(10:02:59 AM) Matthew James Schiros: sometimes, on Monday mornings
(10:03:09 AM) Matthew James Schiros: I think of those garfield "I hate Mondays" posters
(10:04:07 AM) Matthew James Schiros: and I want to hunt down the person who created them, put a gun to the back of their head, and splatter their brains across their children's crying faces for turning such an epically traumatic event into a fucking cutesy goddamn cartoon

-dx

-dx

It's not too late to hope for President Gore.

-dx